In recent weeks it has become apparent that Drawshank Redemption operate ion a different level to the other sides in this league. Much like Celtic once Rangers had been given their stern ticking off, this was a side who could win the league in their sleep. The only hope for all around is that Drawshank “do a Celtic” and drop their level to match the other sides in the league. With this in mind, it would be great litmus test for their credentials if they could sew up League four this week.
First up though, were the resurgent Shepherd Neame against Balls Of Fire. Neame have been proving critics wrong lately as they have started to string together some cohesive performances and are in danger of becoming a force. Having arrived in a Fiat 500 that was ill-suited to transporting two of the biggest men in the game, Neame looked to be suffering from the cramped transportation and struggled to respond to the early flurry of birdies slung their way by Balls of Fire.
Fire must have been watching the Tony “Boss of the” Moss putting video recently, because they were living up to their name as they holed from all over the property in the first few holes. Doing his best to hold them at bay Super Stu was working a double shift to make up for his partners woeful form – including holing from way across the green on the 15th to reduce their deficit to just 1 hole.
Shepherd Neame reduced the arrears further on the 17th as a miraculous up and down for par by Fire failed to prevent the equalising birdie. Having played so well up to that point Balls of Fire were somewhat dismayed at finding themselves all square. Dismay turned to despair on the final green as Fire could only watch on while Neame attempted to complete the incredible comeback by converting a hole-winning birdie putt from 10 feet, sadly it slipped by and confirmed a breathless draw.
An attritional match followed as Wilkins Kennedy and Sally Gunnell’s Soldiers traded bogeys early on in this bottom of the table tussle. As it was, par was going to be competitive in this game, and in securing a couple on the spin Wilkins found themselves in the box seat – 2 up after 4. The quality descended yet further, beyond the mire of mediocrity and into the pits of poo.
Attempting to explain his side’s issues, Wilkins captain said “we’re shit at chipping, we can’t play par 3’s and our putting is awful!” Fortunately for them, Sally Gunnell was having similar issues. In a bid to arrest the slide, Gunnell made a huge call to veer from the usual Birdie Juice to Beavertown’s Gamma. Once the hoppy brew had worked its magic, Gunnell’s game was transformed and helped to turn the woeful tide against them. So much so, that they found themselves facing a 10 foot putt on the final green to win the match and complete an epic turnaround. The putt duly dropped and negotiations were soon underway as they looked set to ink a lucrative multi-figure deal with Beavertown.
The vast majority of paying patrons through the gates on Monday were eager to see the delightful brand of golf that has brought Drawshank Redemption the reputation of being the hottest ticket on grass. Arnies Army boldly faced up to them this week and looked somewhat daunted by the prospect. Having rooted around in the caretaker’s cupboard they chose to blood the untried distant cousin of Tiger.
To the astonishment of all around, including Drawshank, Arnie had the temerity to start birdie, eagle, birdie to catch the opposition completely cold. This barrage had Drawshank well and truly shaken and was a major blow to their brittle confidence. It’s long been known that professionals have a limited amount of mental fortitude and backbone, and so it was shown on this occasion as these heralded players crumbled like rich tea biscuits.
Arnies failed to break par on just one hole, on which Drawshank recovered their composure for a fine par. From there on in it was a steady flow of birdies being reeled off by Arnie on their way to a hugely impressive 9 under total which handily dealt with the league leaders. Drawshank did offer up a few birdies of their own toward the end, but it was too late to stop the rampant Army as they not only handed out a rare defeat but also leap-frogged the title favourites at the top of the table.
The league is set to go down to the final day and is likely to be decided on holes difference – in which case, Drawshank will look to return to their usually dominant ways and hope that Shepherd Neame are able to continue their improvement to force an upset against Arnie.