Beamers hold aces as trio share lead

Shady DunesThe league table reflects the tightest of campaigns as The Beamers have struggled to assert the authority that was expected of them this term. Their lack of dominance has certainly been due in no small measure to the emergence of Bruin the Hole as a real green shoot for the game of golf worldwide.

Arnies Army continue to mystify scientists, as their rare power and stunning iron-play fails to yield the birdies that logic suggests should be produced. They would need to defy logic this week as they look on the boyband of indoor golf in the form of Shank Or Be Shanked.

Sadly for the great game of golf, Handsome Stu and co may as well have not turned up as they appeared lacklustre in the face of Arnie’s Army. The most remarkable thing about the game was the industrial quantities of food consumed by Arnie, who quipped “an Army marches on its stomach!”

It was noted in the week by esteemed golf writer, Bill Elliot that The Beamers appeared to have their nose put out of joint by the dominance of Bruin the Hole. If that were indeed the case, then they had the perfect opportunity to right a few wrongs as they drew battle lines against the league leaders.

Bruin have recently recruited a man who is believed to be the most powerful in the western hemisphere, as he crushes drives over 340 yards on a regular basis. Shorn of Captain Glen this week, The Beamers made a strong start and matched Bruin birdie for birdie in the opening holes. The turning point of the match came on the 14th when The Beamers holed a putt from way downtown to knock the wind out the sails of the league leaders.

Despite Bruin promising a “bigger comeback than Jesus” they were unable to regain their poise, and subsequently slid to their maiden defeat and thus handed the initiative back to their Kiwi opponents in the race for the championship.

Sally Gunnell completed the clean sweep of victories this week with a steadied and considered dismantling of The Beer Merchants. This was Gunnell’s second victory of the season and while they can’t win the league, they have left the Merchants languishing at the foot of the table and in danger of going into administration.

The Beamers are certainly in command going into the final week and will question whether or not to reintroduce their captain after such a successful week. In the absence of Glen, the dress-code was more relaxed and some of the pregame stretching replaced by time at the bar bonding over their repressed love of hoppy beers and fragrant gins.

RESULTS & TABLE

Competitions: UG Team League, UG Team League Smithfield